I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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