so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
