He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
