With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
