Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
