i think my mom watched the whole time
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
