im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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