I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
