Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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