Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
