I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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