Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
