Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
