we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to sanitize my soul.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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