I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There r osticjed everywhere
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
