The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
someone threw a dead crab at me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
