Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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