I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
