I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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