He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
