Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
