I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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