Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
