nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
