Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize