Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the day after is always just damage control
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
