Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize