ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
