I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
