took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
