True but thats because hes a fetus.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When are your genitals available?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
