Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
