Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
