Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
