walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize