haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i now understand why vodka
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize