his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
