So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
