His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh god it's open bar.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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