I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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