This girl is more easily done than said...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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