I wish I could punch you in the face.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
