I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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