Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize