he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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