Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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