1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
