are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
