I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
