Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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