I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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