Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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