david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
