I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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