where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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