I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
