just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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