I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
