I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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