bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
