woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
PANTIES FOUND
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