I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
