I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
