An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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