1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
