She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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