Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
