im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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