Already got asked if we're dating
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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