I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
