Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
